Trade deadline Suggestions.

Yes, this is late. But I'm transferring it over from Facebook.

1. Scott Stevens' elbow to STL for a Paul Kariya concussion
2. DUstin Byfuglien to Phoenix for Ollie Jokinen
3. Dominic Moore to the Ottawa Senators for Anton Volchenkov
4. Jon Sims picked up by Chicago Blackhawks
5. Martin Brodeur to Patrick Roy for a boatload of cash
6. Sean Avery to Dallas for Tony Romo to the Giants
7. Brian Campbell to Progresso soup for 3 cases of Southwestern Chicken soup
8. Kieth Tkachuk to the glue factory
9. Doug Weight to Shady Pines retirement home for 3 Snuggees and some Geritol
10. Barry Trotz' head to the Nashville zoo for a baboon's ass
11. Chris Drury to Buffalo for some self respect for the Rangers
12. Scotty Gomez to the INS
13. Don Cherry's suit to Rudy Ray Moore for some hoes
14. Ryan Smyth to Calgary for nothing. God just hates the Oilers.
15. Your mom for a conditional 6th round pick
16. Barry Melrose to Tampa Bay for a new hair do (Bubba Bryant)
17. Jiri Tlusty to playgirl, Hugh Hefner to NY to replace Avery (Amanda Perry)
18. Mike Milbury's hair to ned in 7th grade for a pocket protector
19. Brett Hull trades co-GM Les Jackson to McDonald's for a year's supply of Big Macs (Erin Holliday)
20. Chelios to an Adirondack chair for some back issues of Hockey News and a pair of Reggie Dunlop pants.
21. Claude Lemiux's skating abilty for Baby Huey's goal tending skills and a flock of 'migratory' Candian geese.
22.

Dear Wayne

Dear Wayne Gretzky,

Your legacy as a scoring center is cast in solid gold and sitting in the Hockey Hall of Fame. Everyone knows your name, knows your face, knows what you did for the league in the 80's and early 90's. You're an icon.
But you are not a coach. I understand how hard it is to let go of the game that has given you so much, and no one is asking you to. But you do not belong behind the bench. With a 132-150-22 record up until now it is obvious that you own the lower end of mediocrity.
Perhaps it is time to move to the front office and be an ambassador of the sport before you run an entire franchise into the ground. The Phoenix Coyotes have a decent talent pool. You actually have a pretty good team, but you are dis-servicing them by not bringing in a good coach.
So Wayne please retire from coaching anything above peewees or the odd celebrity game. It's not your forte.

--Angry in Illinois