1. Scott Stevens' elbow to STL for a Paul Kariya concussion
2. DUstin Byfuglien to Phoenix for Ollie Jokinen
3. Dominic Moore to the Ottawa Senators for Anton Volchenkov
4. Jon Sims picked up by Chicago Blackhawks
5. Martin Brodeur to Patrick Roy for a boatload of cash
6. Sean Avery to Dallas for Tony Romo to the Giants
7. Brian Campbell to Progresso soup for 3 cases of Southwestern Chicken soup
8. Kieth Tkachuk to the glue factory
9. Doug Weight to Shady Pines retirement home for 3 Snuggees and some Geritol
10. Barry Trotz' head to the Nashville zoo for a baboon's ass
11. Chris Drury to Buffalo for some self respect for the Rangers
12. Scotty Gomez to the INS
13. Don Cherry's suit to Rudy Ray Moore for some hoes
14. Ryan Smyth to Calgary for nothing. God just hates the Oilers.
15. Your mom for a conditional 6th round pick
16. Barry Melrose to Tampa Bay for a new hair do (Bubba Bryant)
17. Jiri Tlusty to playgirl, Hugh Hefner to NY to replace Avery (Amanda Perry)
18. Mike Milbury's hair to ned in 7th grade for a pocket protector
19. Brett Hull trades co-GM Les Jackson to McDonald's for a year's supply of Big Macs (Erin Holliday)
20. Chelios to an Adirondack chair for some back issues of Hockey News and a pair of Reggie Dunlop pants.
21. Claude Lemiux's skating abilty for Baby Huey's goal tending skills and a flock of 'migratory' Candian geese.