Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Thrashers to Jets

An NHL franchise in a non-traditional hockey market faced financial troubles and was moved. No, not the Coyotes. They're still a mess. And they might be the Seattle Coyotes real soon....or something.
The Atlanta Thrashers had a poor drawing for much of their time in the NHL. In fact they're average attendance figures not only never cracked the top 10, they never cracked the bottom 10. ( When you're first year is as bad (14-57-12) as that awful inaugural Ottawa Senators season, it doesn't generate a whole lot of excitement. And from their doomed first season the team never really caught on. I'm sure there are some die-hard Thrashers fans that are sitting in bars drinking and crying, but not enough of them were crying AT the games.
Regardless of the standings the team had tragedy on their hands early on when Dany Heatley crashed that car that killed up and coming star Dan Snyder. Then Heatley was dealt to Ottawa and the Thrashers got Marian Hossa. Then Hossa left. And Kovalchuk left. And Konowalchuk retired and they were left with no under rated genuine superstar for the last 2 years. Their best goaltender ever might have been super journeyman Johan Hedburg. How sad is that?
And so the team is relocating like a thief in the night. There was about 3 months of Tom Glavine clamoring for a new ownership group to keep the team in Atlanta and then *POOF* there were the Jets in Winnipeg. The saga of the Phoenix Coyotes tricked us all into thinking there would be years of drama and money problems before any team would leave, and that lulled us all into believing that there was no immediacy in relocations. And now? No one is sure what the freaking hold up in Phoenix is.
I'm all for the overall health of the NHL. I would like to see all 30 teams with a rabid and healthy fanbase, because watching games in empty barns is depressing. I'm all for there being a Winnipeg Jets again. I'm just not sure how I feel about the Atlanta Thrashers becoming the Winnipeg Jets or as they're being called up there the Jets 2.0.
But what exactly will the Jets 2.0 be? Will they be the same sad sack sorry team the Thrashers were? Will they be the same sad sack team the Jets 1.0 were? Will any of that matter in Canada?

I'm left with a lot of questions I just can not answer such as: Will the new Jets be worth a shit or just another Edmonton Oilers? Will the fans show up even though the Jets might suck? Will Atlanta ever get another team? Will that team also be the Thrashers? How long will we have to wait to buy bargain basement Thrashers sweaters?
But here's the real important question: Can True North navigate a mediocre at best team into the new era of the NHL and lead them to victory?

I feel bad for Atlanta hockey fans just as I felt bad for Minnesota hockey fans when the North Stars left. Which reminds me: How healthy is the future for the Dallas Stars?

With franchises uprooting so easily it begs the question of how safe is any team in financial trouble? Will we see Columbus, Phoenix, Dallas, Florida, or even Edmonton moving in the next five years? What does that do to the overall landscape of the NHL?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

What's left?

From Stan Bowman's super secret to-do list:

1.Dump Campbell's retarded contract
2. Pick the most NHL ready looking player in the draft
3. Get rid of Troy Brouwer
4. Get bigger Blackhawks to fill roster
5. Sign "WTF!?!?!?" player
6. Crank call Dale Tallon and ask if he's interested in Toews before giggling and hanging up
7. Let Flyers in on Bobby Clarke's secretly Paul Holmgren joke. (maybe wait until November?)
8. Call Detroit and ask them if Rafalski will be logging all of that ice time again this year
9. Call St Louis and remind them to dry clean their Stanley Cup banners for opening day. Act surprised when they say they don't have any.
10. Call Nashville and ask them if they still have Peter Forsberg or any of the mess he made of their future.
11. Rest on Laurels.
12. Rest on Hardies.
13. Call Doug Wilson and ask him if he seriously just traded a DUI for an IR. Act shocked.
14. Talk to dad. Pretend to listen to story about the year they got screwed by the refs and lost to Philly. Remind him your team got screwed by the refs AND BEAT Philly and won a Cup.
15. Call Brian Burke ask him how excited he was to get Brad Richards. Tell him you didn't know that. You were accidentally out of the country on free agent day.
16. Call Paul Holmgren and ask if he wants to unload any more proven talent for a handful of bullshit and promises.
17. Announce Claude Giroux trade.
18. Send obscenely ridiculous offer sheet to Stankos just to fuck with Stevie Y.
19. Call city of Glendale just to make sure as sure can be that the Coyotes will be playing there before buying plain tickets.
20. Tell Eddie O. his game analysis skills have been traded to Winnipeg. Post his breakdown on YouTube.
21. Call Montreal and demand Price and Kostitsyn while screaming in German.
22. Call Minnesota and ask if they'd be willing to throw in some hotdish on that Johnsson for Barker trade. If they say no beg for Juicy Lucy.
23. Remind Brunette he'll have to play in April and May now. Assure him that there is in fact hockey in April and May.
24. Call Kevin Lowe ask him who he's going to draft #1 overall next summer.
25. Call George McPhee tell him you understand cap crunch. Tell him if it would help them out would be willing to take Ovechkin off their hands.
26. Call Ottawa just to chat about Alexander Daigle's progress. Try not to snicker too much.
27. Thank Lou Lamoriello for making that contract you gave Campbell not look as ridiculous last Summer.
28. See if Colorado would be interested in Cristobel Huet.
29. Introduce new bargaining chip Semyon Varlamov.
30. Trade Varlamov.
31. Tell Sather it's really too bad they just let Drury go, because you would have given him a 1st round draft pick in trade.
32. Call Detroit. Tell them bullshit.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

What the F@c* are the Flyers doing?!?!?!

I think everyone remembers Bobby Clarke being a terrible General Manager for the Flyers. The only thing he did that wasn't complete garbage was raping the Nashville Predators with Forsberg.
But watching the Flyers maneuver around doing whatever it is that Holmgren is trying to accomplish is reminiscent of the Bobby Clarke era.
More or less the team has been gutted. With Carter, Richards, Leino, and to a much smaller extant Versteeg all getting the gate; over 25% of their goal scoring got the boot. Their replacements? A prospect, a couple never weres, and a has been. If Jagr scores more than 10 goals or finishes more than 20 games I'll honestly be shocked.
I really don't understand the positioning here. Even if the reported rumors of a divided locker room between Carter, Richards, and Pronger are true. I think you're better off giving Pronger the gate at his age.
I predict the Flyers finish close to the lowly Islanders this season. Even with the "upgrade" in net of Bryzgalov, it's just not enough. Don't get me wrong Giroux and Briere will still be there, but the heart has been wrenched out of not just the team but their fans as well. I'll be shocked if this doesn't go down as the summer the Flyers' hopes died.

Those are just my thoughts. I could be wrong, but I'll never admit it.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

The CHI FAF review

Yesterday was both Canada day and the Free Agent Frenzy. No time for parades just 12 hours in front of TSN to see where your favorite players are going and who your team is getting. Unless of course you're a Flyers fan then you're still a bit lost. I wanted to make a flow chart to show all of the Philly roster changes, but I don't have 10 feet worth of blog space to bore you all with the details of why Jagr's mulletlessness is no replacement for Carter OR Richards. Besides let's talk about the only team that really matters--The Chicago Blackhawks.

Because I didn't mention it earlier the Blackhawks traded a draft pick to Buffalo for defenseman Steve Montador. With a name like a late 70's truck-car maybe the Pontiac rip off of the Ranchero(?), he brought some much needed size. While I'm never crazy about trading away draft picks, we desperately needed some size and an over haul and a 7th round draft pick for an NHL ready defenseman is a pretty decent deal. Thanks, Suckers.

Jamal Mayers. We didn't give up anything but a couple of measely dollars to get the guy, and I'm pretty sure he isn't coming for his goal scoring abilities. He does have a good size and will most likely man our 4th line. So decent pick up considering our lack of grit last year.

Sean O'Donnell. We didn't have to give up much to get a 6th or 7th d-man in Sean. He'll turn 40 right before the season starts so I imagine this will be his last season.

Andrew Brunette. Despite his pitiful +/- I'm going to let that slide considering how garbage the Wild have been the last two or three seasons. With 20+ goals in almost every season of his career. He adds some depth to most likely our 3rd line that we seemed to be missing all year.

Now rumor has it we MIGHT be re-signing John Madden, which in my opinion would be awesome. We need a guy like Madden that can almost guarantee a face off win and play that 4th line center position with heart and grit.

MY RUMOR: Andrew Ladd will return to the Blackhawks. Brouwer failed to deliver in the grit category and we shipped him off to Washington for a draft pick. So Laddy would be my go to guy on returning to fill a spot leading our 3rd line although I wouldn't be shocked to see him garner some 2nd or even 1st line time.

THE WORST: Dan Carcillo. I have no idea why we signed this guy. Even for a year it seems like flushing money down the crapper for no good reason. UNLESS he gets packaged and shipped out for something substantial.

The END: We still have some cap money to play with, and we need an NHL backup. Who that will be is anybody's guess. And we probably need at least one more D-man and one more top 6 forward unless they have someone in Rockford in mind. I guess we'll all have to wait and see.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Draft and some Soup

So for anyone that doesn't the NHL draft was last Friday and Saturday. If you didn't know when the draft was you probably didn't miss anything unless you're just the biggest Pierre Maguire fan on the face of the earth in which case you had the fan club meeting in your closet. The same closet Pierre Maguire hides in at night to watch you sleep.
Sorry got distracted. What I meant to say was That if you didn't know when the draft was you probably have no clue who the guys that got drafted are. Which is fine, because neither did I. The great thing about watching the draft if you're as clueless about the players being drafted as I am is that every team is trading players and the Canucks were getting boo'ed by the Minnesota faithful.
First of all let's talk about the #1 overall pick. The Oilers pretend that they don't tank seasons to get that pick, but let's be honest running an AHL team with an over the hill goaltender out there and then not winning shit is no surprise to anybody except Craig MacTavish.
Got that out of the way!
I want to say that out of everyone at the draft there was only one kid drafted that looks like he's ready to lace 'em up, hit the ice, and bang. Who could that kid be? None other than the Blackhawks' 1st draft pick: Mark McNeil. Seriously he doesn't look like somebody's little brother trying on daddy's jersey. Dude's a man. Which is good. We could use a Center with his size and I'm guessing he can bang. And we need some Bangers. NEED bangers.

As happy as I was about our 1st pick of the draft I was even more excited about us unloading $7.1mil worth of overpaid salary cap hell. AKA Brian Campbell. We can thank the Cap floor and teams absolutely needing to get there for us moving Campbell. Everyone I know said we'd never move him because of the size and duration of his contract. Not only do I not have to put up with Soupy, but I also get to rub everyone's faces right in it. Suck it. Suck it long. Suck it hard.
With Soupy going to Florida and Chicago receiving wounded warrior Rusty Olesz or cap relief in return means we can actually put something on our 3rd and 4th lines which were pretty much decimated this past season. But overall it means I don't have to watch a defenseman not play defense. I don't have to see 7million dollars of "WTF is he doing?!?!?!?!" when he tries those worthless end to end rushes.
So in short the Blackhawks drafted well (I assume), got rid of Campbell (HOORAY!), and Pierre Maguirre is in your closet.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


I've been lazy and I really have no excuse for not writing a damned thing in this for like 2 years. I've had a lot of time to ruminate and here's some things I may have missed writing about over the last two years and their hypothetical headlines:

1. Blackhawks squeeze past Nashville looking to lose to Canucks.
2. Blackhawks cream those Canuckle heads, Sedins cry in unison.
3. Sharks don't bother showing up for WCF.
4. Those cheap punks from Syracuse Philadelphia!
5. Holy fucking shit Blackhawks land on fucking moon!
6. I may have been drunk last night.....
7. WTF happened to the Blackhawks roster!?!?!?!?
8. At least we got Pisani! He's going to be GREAT!
9. Let's trade Pisani for a used puck bag!
10. Have we traded Campbell yet!?!?!?
11. Why can't someone fuse Bolland's back with a titanium exoskeleton much like a Terminator?
12. For Fuck's sake! Can we just clinch that 8th spot or what!?!?!?!\
13. who shot J.R. Ewing? OR Thanks for blowing it in Minneapolis.
14. Why am I watching this shit?!?!?!
15. Hey we got a chance against this Vancouver team!
16. Well.....shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
17. Thank GOD the Bruins won!

I think that about brings us up to speed more or less. Tomorrow look for my thoughts on the Campbell trade, the draft, and whatever it is that Flyers are trying to pull.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Trade deadline Suggestions.

Yes, this is late. But I'm transferring it over from Facebook.

1. Scott Stevens' elbow to STL for a Paul Kariya concussion
2. DUstin Byfuglien to Phoenix for Ollie Jokinen
3. Dominic Moore to the Ottawa Senators for Anton Volchenkov
4. Jon Sims picked up by Chicago Blackhawks
5. Martin Brodeur to Patrick Roy for a boatload of cash
6. Sean Avery to Dallas for Tony Romo to the Giants
7. Brian Campbell to Progresso soup for 3 cases of Southwestern Chicken soup
8. Kieth Tkachuk to the glue factory
9. Doug Weight to Shady Pines retirement home for 3 Snuggees and some Geritol
10. Barry Trotz' head to the Nashville zoo for a baboon's ass
11. Chris Drury to Buffalo for some self respect for the Rangers
12. Scotty Gomez to the INS
13. Don Cherry's suit to Rudy Ray Moore for some hoes
14. Ryan Smyth to Calgary for nothing. God just hates the Oilers.
15. Your mom for a conditional 6th round pick
16. Barry Melrose to Tampa Bay for a new hair do (Bubba Bryant)
17. Jiri Tlusty to playgirl, Hugh Hefner to NY to replace Avery (Amanda Perry)
18. Mike Milbury's hair to ned in 7th grade for a pocket protector
19. Brett Hull trades co-GM Les Jackson to McDonald's for a year's supply of Big Macs (Erin Holliday)
20. Chelios to an Adirondack chair for some back issues of Hockey News and a pair of Reggie Dunlop pants.
21. Claude Lemiux's skating abilty for Baby Huey's goal tending skills and a flock of 'migratory' Candian geese.